Guilt

I haven't visited my family since May. It's been for a few reasons. OLK has been busy, and I know she wants to join me - she likes them too. I've been busy, sailing, working, and just enjoying my summer.
And also because it's uncomfortable to see my mother in her current state. I think she occasionally recognizes us, but often doesn't appear to. She keeps that smile on her face that I know she uses when she thinks she's supposed to know someone she doesn't. It's hard to see that.

But I've decided to spend the weekend after next with them. OLK can't come, it'll just be me, but it needs to be done. I'll take a couple of books and just sit beside her, so if she looks up she might see her son. And I'm NOT looking forward to it…