Monday morning. God I hate these.
My shoulder and neck are still messed up. My pain breakdown seems to be 30% dull ache, 30% gone, and 40% agony. It really hasn’t been a pleasant ten days since my seizure. My lip has healed, the bumps and bruises on my head have disappeared, and I can eat without much pain in my jaw. Just the neck and shoulder whenever I move my head…
Wife made me an appoint with a masseuse on Saturday morning. We were hoping that she could ease the muscle pain, as I’m positive that’s all the problem is. $100 and 1 hour later, I felt exactly as I did before walking in. Shit.
I told my boss that I’d had a seizure and wasn’t sleeping due to the neck pain. She told me that she’d take it easy on me, understanding that I just can’t work properly when I’m exhausted and in pain. It’s been a week now, and I think the sympathy is gone. Impatience is all that’s left. And wouldn’t you know it? I have no sick days left for 2012. I get 8 days per calendar year, and they don’t carry over to the next. In the decade I’ve worked here, I’ve never used more than 3 or 4. This time I’ve used them all. I don’t get any leeway for past performance. This means that I’m coming into work every day and doing a lackluster job, simply because I have to be here or I don’t get paid.
Later this afternoon, I have an appointment with a neurologist. I assume we’ll be talking about meds I won’t take, and what will happen with my drivers license. In the late 90s, it was suspended for a year because of these seizures. My family doctor went to the MTO tribunal and recommended that I get it back. He had known me for 20 years, and vouched for me, saying I’d get warning of the fits, pull the car over and yank out the keys. He has now retired and I haven’t seen him in a decade. He won’t be helping me this time. It may not get suspended, as I only drive 5 or 6 times a year. Chances of me having a rare seizure during the rare time I’m behind the wheel are extremely unlikely. But he might not want to take the risk, and I can understand that. Then, I might lose it for a year. Or I might lose it permanently because of my 20-year history of idiopathic seizures and reluctance to medicate. I tried meds before, and nearly committed suicide. Apparently most anti-convulsants either double or triple the likelihood of this, and I don’t need the help!
I have no idea what happened to the last few days. On Friday night I went to see the “Designing Bond” exhibit at the TIFF building. Saturday was the massage, watching Seven Psychopaths with Wife, and going out to the pub with a friend. Sunday I cleaned the squalor from the house in preparation for company last night. The weekend flew by, and I feel like it’s Friday and I’m ready for a weekend.