Well... I said I'd start writing this again, if at least for therapeutic reasons, so here goes.
Friday morning, I got up reluctantly (as usual). Showered, shaved, and prepared for another 8 hours in the office. I picked up my Blackberry, and noted that there had already been 2 phone calls this morning. Notably, they were both from my family.
I listened to the first message, already knowing what was to come: My dad's voice saying "mother... dead. See ya." He had a stroke and has a VERY limited vocabulary -the 'see ya', although strangely comical, wasn't intentional.
Wife and I quickly got ready and booked the train to my family's hometown. Other than brief respite Sunday night back in Toronto, i've been in Hometown since then.
Endless phone calls and drop-ins, while well-meaning, have led to a general state of exhaustion in the house. Surprisingly, most of the funeral and burial arrangements were made within 12 hours of her passing. It's amazing how smoothly these things are set out.
Since then I've been spending most of my time finding and photoshopping a good photo of my mum, writing a speech, fielding phone calls from everyone in town, and searching for those long-lost family friends that may or may not still be alive or in Canada.
My family is dealing with it quite well for now. Her illness debilitated her for around a year, so i think we had unconsciously prepared beforehand.
Anyway, my father is shouting for me to go with him to pick out the gravesite. He knows I like shopping...
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Return
Last August I was having a rough time.
Frustrated with work, stress, and life in general, I was at a low point. I blogged about it, and it was a tough one to write. Racist slurs, hate, it was pretty bad. I’ve read it a few times since then, and noticed that as soon as I wrote it, I started to feel better. Reading the typeface seemed to clarify my position. Every time I read it, I see how bad I was, and have made an effort to not let the bullshit affect me.
I’m doing much better now and am really glad I wrote that tough post. I’m also going to try restarting this blogging thing, as it is obviously therapeutic. And who knows, maybe people will start reading me again…
Frustrated with work, stress, and life in general, I was at a low point. I blogged about it, and it was a tough one to write. Racist slurs, hate, it was pretty bad. I’ve read it a few times since then, and noticed that as soon as I wrote it, I started to feel better. Reading the typeface seemed to clarify my position. Every time I read it, I see how bad I was, and have made an effort to not let the bullshit affect me.
I’m doing much better now and am really glad I wrote that tough post. I’m also going to try restarting this blogging thing, as it is obviously therapeutic. And who knows, maybe people will start reading me again…
Friday, November 4, 2011
Two Weeks in the Hole
It’s been a busy couple of weeks, but an interesting one.
I’ve been asked to play guitar in a band that’ll be doing a bunch of shows in the winter and spring. This has kept me busy improving my guitar skills. I hadn’t realized how rusty I’ve become, but it’s all coming back quickly…
Sailing is getting costly. Along with my monthly club fees (I knew this would go all year, it just sucks to pay and not utilize the club for the winter), I had to take a couple more prerequisite courses before my live-aboard one in February. I attained my VHF Marine Radio license (ROC-M), and just signed up for 2 weekends of Coastal Navigation. When I was budgeting for the February Caribbean course, I hadn’t taken into account having to take (and pay for) these other classes. They’ll be handy, and are fun and interesting, but still – more money NOT paying down debts.
Speaking of the sailing club, I missed the awards dinner but won 2 of the 5 awards: I was deemed “Rookie of the Year,” and also won for “Best Timing.” This was due to my boat getting slammed by a really bad squall (I believe the remnants of the tornado that hit Goderitch that day) while down below peeing into a water bottle. Specifically, realizing that I was going to overfill the first bottle and frantically looking for a second one. Looking out the companionway hatch and seeing the black sky, at the same time hearing the crew shouting, pinched that off quickly. Nobody was hurt, and it was an exciting fight to keep the sailboat under control. And apparently nobody else had such unfortunate timing this season. I suppose other contenders might have been the person who wasn’t paying attention while her boat was docking, and stepped off 2’ before reaching the slip. SPLASH.
I’m also ½-way through reading The Pirates of Somalia, by Jay Badahur. Fascinating, it seems to be an honest account of what is happening over there along with it’s causes. Jay is a Canadian journalism student that (without telling his family) made his way to Somalia and lived with pirates and supporters for a few months. While showing both sides of the equation, I still think these pirates should be dealt with in the traditional manner. But that’s my opinion. Anyone looking for a good read to pass the cold winter should pick this up.
I’ve been asked to play guitar in a band that’ll be doing a bunch of shows in the winter and spring. This has kept me busy improving my guitar skills. I hadn’t realized how rusty I’ve become, but it’s all coming back quickly…
Sailing is getting costly. Along with my monthly club fees (I knew this would go all year, it just sucks to pay and not utilize the club for the winter), I had to take a couple more prerequisite courses before my live-aboard one in February. I attained my VHF Marine Radio license (ROC-M), and just signed up for 2 weekends of Coastal Navigation. When I was budgeting for the February Caribbean course, I hadn’t taken into account having to take (and pay for) these other classes. They’ll be handy, and are fun and interesting, but still – more money NOT paying down debts.
Speaking of the sailing club, I missed the awards dinner but won 2 of the 5 awards: I was deemed “Rookie of the Year,” and also won for “Best Timing.” This was due to my boat getting slammed by a really bad squall (I believe the remnants of the tornado that hit Goderitch that day) while down below peeing into a water bottle. Specifically, realizing that I was going to overfill the first bottle and frantically looking for a second one. Looking out the companionway hatch and seeing the black sky, at the same time hearing the crew shouting, pinched that off quickly. Nobody was hurt, and it was an exciting fight to keep the sailboat under control. And apparently nobody else had such unfortunate timing this season. I suppose other contenders might have been the person who wasn’t paying attention while her boat was docking, and stepped off 2’ before reaching the slip. SPLASH.
I’m also ½-way through reading The Pirates of Somalia, by Jay Badahur. Fascinating, it seems to be an honest account of what is happening over there along with it’s causes. Jay is a Canadian journalism student that (without telling his family) made his way to Somalia and lived with pirates and supporters for a few months. While showing both sides of the equation, I still think these pirates should be dealt with in the traditional manner. But that’s my opinion. Anyone looking for a good read to pass the cold winter should pick this up.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Weird Night
I was very angry with a lot of people, and couldn’t understand why. Daily, strangers would set off my temper. Living in a constant state of fury was draining, and somewhere down the line I forgot an important task. I forgot to take my medication.
As the remaining chemicals in my system wore away, I began to question these problems. It turns out that I had forgotten a lot of my past. The people that angered me were in fact angry WITH me. Apparently I went on a killing spree and murdered people they cared about. I had been arrested, charged, and convicted of multiple murders. However, I had been found mentally unstable and not accountable for my actions. Instead of prison, I had been medicated. Along with suppressing the violent urges, I also suppressed the memories of my actions.
As the memories returned, I understood how to fix my life and become happy. It was up to me to force a positive attitude in, while deleting the jpegs in my memory folder.
After dreaming this, I woke up at around 3 o’clock this morning. I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or reality, and was very worried about what I might do. To protect OLK I nearly went to the living room to sleep on the couch. keeping her safely out of harm’s way. I didn’t leave the bed, but also woke up every 30 minutes or so worried about what I might do. I was glad to get up 15 minutes before the alarm clock and head to the shower…
Weird night.
As the remaining chemicals in my system wore away, I began to question these problems. It turns out that I had forgotten a lot of my past. The people that angered me were in fact angry WITH me. Apparently I went on a killing spree and murdered people they cared about. I had been arrested, charged, and convicted of multiple murders. However, I had been found mentally unstable and not accountable for my actions. Instead of prison, I had been medicated. Along with suppressing the violent urges, I also suppressed the memories of my actions.
As the memories returned, I understood how to fix my life and become happy. It was up to me to force a positive attitude in, while deleting the jpegs in my memory folder.
After dreaming this, I woke up at around 3 o’clock this morning. I wasn’t sure if it was a dream or reality, and was very worried about what I might do. To protect OLK I nearly went to the living room to sleep on the couch. keeping her safely out of harm’s way. I didn’t leave the bed, but also woke up every 30 minutes or so worried about what I might do. I was glad to get up 15 minutes before the alarm clock and head to the shower…
Weird night.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Liar or Fool?
A white, nazi-looking guy from suburban ontario goes to a hockey game. As the only black player on the ice skates towards the net, MiniNazi throw a banana at him.
In court, he says he didn't realize there would be racist overtones.
I think they should give him a week in the penitentiary, just to make sure that those overtones are addressed...
In court, he says he didn't realize there would be racist overtones.
I think they should give him a week in the penitentiary, just to make sure that those overtones are addressed...
Friday, September 23, 2011
No Rest For The Wicked
What a busy couple of weeks!
OLK and I are trying to move into co-op housing. Unfortunately, before getting on the waiting lists, we have to be interviewed. We can't seem to schedule an interview!
Originally it had been scheduled for Monday Sept 26.
To take my sailing course in the British Virgin Islands in February, I have 2 prerequisites to attain. I have to get my VHF Marine Radio license, and take a Coastal Navigation course. Unfortunately, last Tuesday I discovered that the ONLY VHF course for the rest of the year is NEXT WEEK! Monday, Thursday, and Friday. So I had to book it and bump the interview.
OLK testily agreed to reschedule it, and booked it for Oct 1 (she didn't tell me the date before booking). A Saturday should be safe, right? Wrong. Because of the course taking up my evenings, I had to schedule a work project for that Saturday. So OLK had to call and change it AGAIN. Now they've booked us for the middle of October. I'm not sure if that's because they're booked up until then, or they're just annoyed that we keep changing it. It's frustrating, but we're just too busy to get to it before then anyway.
My upcoming week:
Tonight: Sail
Saturday: Sail (committed months ago, important catch-up stuff for the competitive teams)
Sunday: 1 Year Anniversary (wooooo)
Monday: VHF course
Tuesday: See The Odd Couple with OLK at Soulpepper
Wednesday: Sail (committed ages ago, same as Saturday)
Thursday: VHF course
Friday: VHF course
Saturday: Work
Sunday: Fall over
And hopefully at some point in the next few weeks, i'll have time to demo the new songs that have been bouncing through my head...
OLK and I are trying to move into co-op housing. Unfortunately, before getting on the waiting lists, we have to be interviewed. We can't seem to schedule an interview!
Originally it had been scheduled for Monday Sept 26.
To take my sailing course in the British Virgin Islands in February, I have 2 prerequisites to attain. I have to get my VHF Marine Radio license, and take a Coastal Navigation course. Unfortunately, last Tuesday I discovered that the ONLY VHF course for the rest of the year is NEXT WEEK! Monday, Thursday, and Friday. So I had to book it and bump the interview.
OLK testily agreed to reschedule it, and booked it for Oct 1 (she didn't tell me the date before booking). A Saturday should be safe, right? Wrong. Because of the course taking up my evenings, I had to schedule a work project for that Saturday. So OLK had to call and change it AGAIN. Now they've booked us for the middle of October. I'm not sure if that's because they're booked up until then, or they're just annoyed that we keep changing it. It's frustrating, but we're just too busy to get to it before then anyway.
My upcoming week:
Tonight: Sail
Saturday: Sail (committed months ago, important catch-up stuff for the competitive teams)
Sunday: 1 Year Anniversary (wooooo)
Monday: VHF course
Tuesday: See The Odd Couple with OLK at Soulpepper
Wednesday: Sail (committed ages ago, same as Saturday)
Thursday: VHF course
Friday: VHF course
Saturday: Work
Sunday: Fall over
And hopefully at some point in the next few weeks, i'll have time to demo the new songs that have been bouncing through my head...
Monday, September 19, 2011
Family Man
I spent the past weekend visiting my family.
I arrived at their house around noon, and as soon as I got there my Dad and sisters rushed out for a few hours. At first I was annoyed, but then realized that they had been looking forward to an afternoon without having to babysit my mum. Then I realized my role for the weekend, grabbed a book and went upstairs to read beside her.
She occasionally asked me questions: "What is your girls name? Do you want to get married? Does SHE want to get married?" It was worthwhile being there, for her as well as me. It was nice to look up every once in a while and see her watching me and smiling. On the Sunday, my brother and I were both keeping her company. She was so excited, grinning and exclaiming "MY BOYS! MY BOYS ARE HERE!"
Also, my brother and father needed a break. One of them is always home with her, and they both valued being able to go out for a few hours without having to juggle their schedules or compromise. I need to visit more often, to take my share of the load. Besides, it's a good time to get some reading logged.
The visit also reminded me how important family is. My dad is showing more devotion and patience than I've ever seen. It's really endearing. And when OLK and I are old and decrepit, I hope we can show this level of support to each other. For all the time that spouses take each other for granted, or forget all the unseen acts of kindness, it's important to remember that you're there for each other.
I arrived at their house around noon, and as soon as I got there my Dad and sisters rushed out for a few hours. At first I was annoyed, but then realized that they had been looking forward to an afternoon without having to babysit my mum. Then I realized my role for the weekend, grabbed a book and went upstairs to read beside her.
She occasionally asked me questions: "What is your girls name? Do you want to get married? Does SHE want to get married?" It was worthwhile being there, for her as well as me. It was nice to look up every once in a while and see her watching me and smiling. On the Sunday, my brother and I were both keeping her company. She was so excited, grinning and exclaiming "MY BOYS! MY BOYS ARE HERE!"
Also, my brother and father needed a break. One of them is always home with her, and they both valued being able to go out for a few hours without having to juggle their schedules or compromise. I need to visit more often, to take my share of the load. Besides, it's a good time to get some reading logged.
The visit also reminded me how important family is. My dad is showing more devotion and patience than I've ever seen. It's really endearing. And when OLK and I are old and decrepit, I hope we can show this level of support to each other. For all the time that spouses take each other for granted, or forget all the unseen acts of kindness, it's important to remember that you're there for each other.
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