Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Return of The 'Bird

I’m back. Miss me?

When I dropped off the edge of Blogworld three years ago, I was a faceless office drone in Toronto. I had a girlfriend, an apartment, and 2 cats. I was recovering from a failed marriage and trying to "find myself."
Now, I’m a faceless office drone in Toronto, and go to University at night. I have a wife (not the previously-mentioned girlfriend or previously-mentioned wife), the same apartment and same 2 cats.

I have another blog that gets updated occasionally, which is about my life as a musician. It’s public, informative, and quite unknown.
This one is to voice my thoughts anonymously, and I’ve recently started to feel frustrated about my life. So I’m back to writing.

I wonder if anyone will know that this has been updated? I remember there being some sort of notification, but it’s been 3 years…

So let’s start with last weekend’s drama:

Billy Connolly is the funniest man on earth. I have seen him 3 or 4 times, and each time my face and belly has hurt from laughing so much. However, in the last decade I haven’t caught any of his shows. Last July, I was really happy to buy 2 tickets to his Massey Hall show. Other than my wedding day, this performance was my most-anticipated event of the year. Seriously, I woke up the morning after the wedding thinking “6 weeks to Billy!” I ordered the tickets, and they sat pinned to the kitchen corkboard for 3 months.

On Saturday afternoon, The Wife asked what time we should leave to head over to the venue. I wanted twice as much time as necessary, because I’m neurotic. We ended up splitting the difference, leaving early but not as soon as I’d have liked.
As the subway train got to Bloor St, it stopped and we were informed that it would go no further “due to a police investigation. Shuttle busses will be deployed shortly.”
Frantic to not be late, we left from the station and hurried the four blocks to Massey Hall through seedy alleyways that normally we’d avoid at night.

We arrived at Massey Hall 10 minutes before showtime with a sigh of relief. My adrenaline was already running when I handed the doorman my ticket. He looked at me with worry, and cautiously said “Sir – this ticket was for last night.”
“No,” I countered, “this is the 6th!”
“Sir, the ticket says Friday Nov5.”

Somehow I had bought tickets for the wrong date and NEVER noticed. I was furious. At myself. We begged the ticket booth for any consideration, but there was nothing they could do – it was a sold out show, and they wouldn’t even let us stand in the back.

This is where it got weird. Sure, I missed a performance I’d been looking forward to for months. Sure, I lost $200 on tickets that couldn’t be refunded or exchanged. But that was when I realized what this show meant to me. I love my wife and the life we’re building together, but I HATE the 2/3 of waking day that I spend at work. I really do – it’s the worst job I’ve ever had. Unfortunately I’m pretty much stuck here until I finish night-school and am qualified to do something else. I’ve done the math, and can’t reasonably get by on less than what I’m currently making. So I have resigned to my assignment for the next year or so.
But this was the only shining moment until a vacation booked for February. And it kinda hurt to realize that I wanted the next 3 months to disappear in a coma-like state. It made me take stock of my life, and how I’m not at a position I want to be in even though I worked hard to get here.
Screw Christmas, Screw NewYears, I just have to keep my head down and barrel through until sunshine and escape briefly present themselves.

So here you go. I’m back, I’m grumpy, and I’m vocal. Not much has changed.
I don't know how long i'll be posting for this time, but let's just see how this goes shall we?


  1. I missed the Saint, but not good to read you still loathe your work. But, I'm having a tea party in a few weeks (being late, late, late at invites) so come to that!

  2. I saw your comment at Snooze's and followed thinking "Could it be?!" My heart just sunk to read you missed the show. And I feel bad that you feel bad about your work situation. But I'm happy as a pig in shit to see that you are blogging! Cheaper than therapy.