Friday, May 13, 2011

Free Time

I'm starting to have free time, and don’t know how to deal with it. I was thinking the other day, about how busy I keep myself.

When I moved to Toronto, I was getting used to a new city. I eventually got a midnight-shift job which took most of my time and energy. Any spare time I had was spent partying.
In 1999, I worked the day shift at a gas station and played in a band. Those both ended at the same time, so I took a corporate day job and spent my evenings apprenticing as a tattooist and volunteering at a youth-support phone line.
When the tattooing ended, I joined a band that took every spare minute I had. Days, evenings, weekends, whatever.
When the music ended, I was dating polyamorously. Often going out on many dates a week, I always kept Wednesday aside for laundry. That lasted for a couple of years.  Then i realized that I wanted to be monogamous and found a long-term girlfriend.  That time involved lots of drinking, arguements, and generally causing trouble.  That went on until I met my first wife, and I moved to Georgetown to live with her.
Upon my return from Georgetown a couple of years later, I immediately started night school. That just ended.

There has been VERY LITTLE spare time in my life. And I think I'm scared of it.
I grew up in a very small town, quite isolated. I was bored and became very self-destructive because of that. I was suicidally depressed, with no visible opportunities in my life. My hand, arms, and shoulders still bear the scars of growing up lonely. 
When I moved to Georgetown, the same feeling set in. Isolated, alone, bored, with no visible opportunity. To (quite literally) save my life, I left my wife and moved home to the city.
Now I have a 9-5 job, and no formal responsibilities for my evenings. My singing lessons vary, happening on random evenings once a week. I've got my second weekend of sailing, and then hopefully crewing once or twice a week.

God only knows what will happen with downtime, and I'm apprehensive to find out...


  1. Oh, Snooze, good idea! Much better than my suggestion of moving to Hamilton and spending four hours a day on the train. ;-)

  2. I also think that would be an amazing plan, Snooze. Right now I would like brownies. With sprinkles. Gluten-free preferably. And rainbows and unicorns and puppies, but without the puppies.