Everyone complains about their job. But mine seems progressively worse and more disturbing.
I worry that I'm becoming something of a sociopath.
Last week, one of my coworkers died. I've known her for nearly a decade. And I really don't care. I wish I did, and it worries me that I don't, but to be completely honest, I don't. I'm not going to her funeral because I don't feel like putting on a tie and blazer to sit in a church for an hour.
This morning, after having 2 arguments in my first half-hour of work, I fantasized about a plane ramming into my office floor. If everyone onsite right now disappeared, I have a feeling I'd be most upset about my personal effects.
I've also started mumbling racist epithets when people annoy me. I don't believe in any sort of segregation or superiority, race has always been irrelevant to me. But i'm using these words (quietly) simply for their "hurt value." It's getting harder and harder to stop myself, and i'm only thankful that nobody has heard them yet.
I don't like what's happening here, but don't know how to reverse it without just quitting. And I can't afford to do that...