Tuesday, May 14, 2013


Yesterday I was talking with a coworker about people becoming parents at a young age.
For the record, I’m nearly 40 with no kids and no interest in being a parent.

When I was 20, I FINALLY slept with a girl I’d been crushing on for a few years.  Unfortunately she had a boyfriend, but he was in jail.  I honestly wanted a relationship with her, and we planned our future.  Her boyfriend got released a week or two after we spent the night together (me and his gf, that is).  She changed her mind and decided to stay with him.  I was heartbroken.

A month or so later, she phoned me up.  “I’m pregnant,” she said.  My heart leapt into my throat.  Parenthood?  Can I deal with that?  I guess we’ll find out…
Her next statement was not to worry, it was his.  This actually came as no surprise as I didn’t “finish.”  There would have still been a chance, but only a slim one.

Their relationship didn’t last much past birth from what I understand, but we didn’t reconnect.  I had left town before the baby was even born.

That close call would have sent my life into a completely different realm.  Had I been ‘dad’, I’d have been stuck in  a minimum-wage town, struggling to make ends meet. I’d have stayed, being the best father that I could be.  However, I wouldn’t have the life that I have now, the life with Wife with a house in Toronto.

Facebook friends with the “lost love” now, I’ve caught a glimpse of the girl conceived within weeks of my being with her mother.  I see a wonderful girl that’s in her first year of university.  I see a loving family (without jailbird dad).  It does make me wonder what would have happened if my wish had come true?  If I’d stayed with her?  Would I have been a good father?  Would I enjoy that life in small-town Ontario?  Or would I have turned into a regretful alcoholic factory worker?


Actually, a few months before that hookup I was living in a disasterous, volatile relationship with a beautiful psychopath.  I was 20 and employed (a relative success in the town).  What do you do when you have a full time job and you feel that you’ve reached your peak?  Have a baby.

We decided to stop using birth control and just “see what happens.”  Of course, within a few weeks she was pregnant.  I was overjoyed.  We broke up (before I hooked up with the other girl), but I still wanted to be a parent.  In fact, I wanted custody of our child.  My family had more money, time, and resources than hers, which would have given the child a more stable life.  She miscarried before we were able to come to a solution. 


Those are the two times that I could have become a parent.  Even though my first wife wanted children, our marriage was too rocky to bring a child into it.  And after that marriage, I decided that I wasn’t getting involved in the role.  Uncle Dickeybird is the best for me. 

Funny how many tangents one life could have.  But I’m glad I’ve got the path I’m on.

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